The band was on a massive upwards swing with Tonight... | Movies / Reviews | Coagulopath


The band was on a massive upwards swing with Tonight the Stars Revolt, and their follow-up album Anyone for Doomsday was set to rock face. Then Spider cancelled it.

I would have said “nobody knows why”, except it’s plainly obvious why. This album is a ripoff. Holy shit, what a terrible joke of a CD. What were they thinking? You have THIRTY THREE DAMN MINUTES OF AUDIO, and I’m not talking about thirty-three minutes of high-quality, filler-free music either. The band contorts themselves into ridiculous evasions to avoid writing songs. We have three interlude tracks (“Disease of Machinery”, “I’ll Try”, and “Rise”) and two stupid joke songs (“Megatronic” and “The Future That Never Was”). This should have been an EP, people. A goddamn EP.

What can I say about the 20-25 minutes of actual music on this alleged album? Most of it sucks. There’s a pile of horrible filler tracks (obviously thrown together from bits and pieces of rejected songs) that make the Cars cover on their last album sound good. Just listen to “One and Only” and tell me I’m wrong. You have these goofy effects-driven verses, and then a mind-blowingly horrible chorus that sounds like it’s in a different key. “Tomorrow is Yesterday” and “What the World Does” are two more songs in the same vein. Horrible crap. Sounds like it was written five minutes before punch-in time.

There are glimmers here and there of what this album could have been: a decent followup to Tonight the Stars Revolt. “Bombshell” and “Danger in this Go!” are action-packed and aggressive, even though they’re a bit too “I wanna be a wrestling theme” for my taste, and they suffer from pretty repetitive choruses. Yeah, yeah, we get the message. You’re dropping the bombshell. Yeah yeah, it’s out of control. You’ve told us this several times before. Go sing about peace or weed or something.

“End of Everything” is a blatant Marilyn Manson cop-off, but it’s pretty fun. Strangely, my favorite song isn’t actually on the album. I’ve recently heard the full-version of “Rise” (only 30 seconds of it appear on the final release), and it thrashes nearly as hard as “When World’s Collide”. WHY DID THEY NOT PUT IT ON THE ALBUM?!?! “Oh, no, we can’t have too much good material on our albums. We don’t want to set unrealistic standards for ourselves. 13 minutes of good music is enough. On our next CD we might raise it to 13 and a half.”

Thank you, Spider, for waking up and realising what a turd sandwich this album is, and what a shameless mercenary you would have been had you actually foisted this on your fans. May Metallica someday inherit your good sense. But you’d have to look at it in light of the fact that Selloutica fills arenas while Powerman 5000 has vanished from the mainstream radar forever. This world depresses me. Bring on doomsday.