I have a new computer, with the latest new version... | News | Coagulopath

I have a new computer, with the latest new version of Windows pre-installed. I heard about Windows 7 a few months ago, but never really looked into it. I’m happy when I get one version of Windows working properly. I’m not in a hurry to learn a new one.

Windows 7 is okay. It still has that “HI! I’M A HUGE ANNOYING DICKFACE! AND I’M GOING TO INTERRUPT YOU EVERY TIME YOU SO MUCH AS TRY TO EXIST IN THE SAME ROOM AS A COMPUTER!” message box when I try to move files, but that’s no big deal. What I do hate is how they’ve streamlined and oversimplified everything. I want power and options, not a system that has been brutally castrated for the sake of a visual layout that won’t confuse grandmothers.

See, Acer is big on energy conservation these days. And their energy conservation policy consists of causing my computer to go into a coma every time I leave it alone for a few minutes. I spent the last 20 minutes looking everywhere for my power settings. On XP, I just right-clicked the screen, clicked “Properties”, and it’s right there. That doesn’t happen here. Nothing. I went into the “Control Panel”, was greeted by some ambiguous but friendly-looking icons, clicked around a bit, but found nothing on how to change my power settings.

Eventually, I realised that I have to click “View by” in the Control Panel and select Icons instead of Categories. Suddenly all sort of hidden crap appears, including my power settings. I duly changed my hibernate wait time from 10 minutes to 4 hours. TAKE THAT, RAINFORESTS!

It’s a similar story with a lot of my other stuff. Confusing, “streamlined” layouts that branch off down illogical and unintuitive paths, having to click past five or six GUI layers just to edit something, things that are completely different from XP (which was a good operating system at the end of the day) for no apparent reason but to be different.

Yes, I know this is a “Windows sux!” post. I know I’m beating a horse that is so dead that it’s almost alive again. But can someone find Bill Gates for me, tie him down, urinate in his ear, and explain to him in clear King George’s English that there’s a limit to how much you can simplify something before it becomes complex again?

I opened a command prompt and tried to abort gay.exe, in the hopes that this would fix my problems. Alas, no such program as gay.exe exists. Maybe Windows caters to lesbian markets now.