Stupid kids should to be supervised. Left alone, they often... | Games / Reviews | Coagulopath

forbesStupid kids should to be supervised. Left alone, they often wander down dark streets or into the backs of unlicensed candy vans. This game is a powerful argument that stupid ideas should be supervised, too. Sometimes they wander off drawing boards and into game stores.

I have never known what to make of Forbes Corporate Warrior. It really does look like an alpha proof of concept that nobody ever intended to make. But the lavish background art suggests that not only was it made, but that someone spent money making it.

This is a financed themed first-person shooter. The story: in the future, Wall Street cuts the crap and just has corporations literally battle each other in a virtual reality environment. As a start-up entrepreneur, you must jack in to the simulation, fight your way to the top, and make lots of $$$. When targeting an “enemy” (a rival business you want to render insolvent) you hurt them by stealing their customers away. This requires a bit of thought rather than just blasting away. For example, if your opponent is selling boutique products but his customers want cheap goods, you can cut the legs from under him with some Price Slicer missiles. This isn’t Doom. You don’t win by being quick on the trigger, you win by planning and fine-tuning a strategy to liquidate your rivals.

Sounds like fun? Unfortunately the reality is that you’ll be bored of Forbes: Corporate Warrior in five minutes. Buy an egg timer or something.

This isn’t much of a game. You just go up to enemies, bankrupt them, move on, and repeat the process until the game just…ends. Movement feels clunky and slow. Despite the barrage of finance buzzwords and the horribly overcomplicated UI, there’s not much skill to playing Forbes: Corporate Warrior. You’re either strong enough to beat an enemy or you’re not.

Although the concept art between levels is nice, the actual in-game graphics have all the aesthetic appeal of a Windows 95 era CAD modelling program. This game looks like shit, there’s no way around, past, or through it. Levels resemble poorly-textured chessboards, with hideous backgrounds and animation. The enemies are crappy-ass geometric shapes.

I regard Forbes Corporate Warrior like I regard Bible Adventures: a real novelty game – not really playable but it definitely possesses kitsch value. I guess this is what they call poor execution of a great idea. Or maybe great execution of a terrible idea.