6a00e54f8d0913883301287738d367970c-320wiI am confused about some things. If you know the answers to these, please don’t hesitate to not email me.

– The audience in the Producers paid to see a movie called “Springtime for Hitler”…so why are they shocked that it has Nazis in it?

– Why do we say “a ton of something” to indicate a large number? Doesn’t that depend on what you’re talking about? A ton of horses is only two or three horses. A ton of pianos is…one piano. A ton of blue whales would be part of a whale flipper or something.

– Why is QWERTY a universally recognised series of letters, and so is ASDF (to an extent)…but nobody ever talks about ZXCV?

– Why do we still have a cliche of rappers wearing furs, diamond grills, and gold chains?

This hasn’t been true for a decade. Most rappers today (Kanye, Drake, Jay Z) dress in a pretty understated and subdued way – t-shirts, hoodies, wifebeaters, suits if they’re going to an awards show. It’s like if women evolve the ability to excrete through a throat sac and we all still joked about them leaving the toilet seat down.

– Everyone makes fun of Han Solo’s “12 parsec” goof in A New Hope, but isn’t it a powerful argument for the Millenium Falcon’s abilities that a scientific illiterate can fly it?

– Why can ghosts walk right through walls but not fall through floors?

– If a superhero is a powerful hero, why don’t we call a heroic disabled people “subheroes”?

– When Howard Stern described himself as “the king of all media”, did he do this in knowledge that, like monarchy, talk radio would eventually become obsolete? A forward thinking businessman would have called himself the prime minister or president of all media.

– Why are the hundreds of Nigerian princes in my inbox not causing massive hyperinflation? And why do they advertise “free money”, when they know full well that their millions of dollars will introduce nothing but stress and unneeded complexity to my life?

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