People tell me that the BMI is useless because it doesn’t account for muscular physiques. But that’s just a limitation. A 10m tape is not broken because it can’t measure 11m. If the BMI can’t properly categorise the body shape of muscular people, then all that means is that its scope of use is limited and we shouldn’t use it on muscular physiques.

The BMI is useful and accurate for a huge percentage of the population. It’s not totally accurate, but that’s because it has to classify a complex and variable system (the human body).

A person called Kate Harding has started something called The BMI Project to show how hilariously off (according to her) the BMI system is. I ask you, does it accomplish its goal? Most of the people pictured do seem to fit their BMI profile.

My ongoing reaction: “that seems right…that seems right…can’t tell because the picture sucks cock…no, that looks wrong…that seems right…”

And how useful are these pictures? An intelligent BMI picture gallery would have all the participants naked, in a relaxed pose, under neutral lighting…you just can’t tell how overweight the people are in most of Kate Harding’s picture. Photos can easily make you look bigger or smaller than you really are, ask any movie star.

Or ask Tim Ferriss, who recently sat on a needle ACTUALISED HIS INNER POTENTIAL AND SO CAN YOU IF YOU BUY HIS BOOK and proved it with careful before and after photography.

Supposedly, this was recorded by sticking a microphone up a dead rat’s ass…

There is a caste of has-beens that barely even seem to exist any more.

I periodically type “Vanilla Ice” into Google, and each time I feel like a prison screw looking inside a cell to make sure the prisoner inside hasn’t hanged himself with his trousers. Vanilla Ice doesn’t even have nostalgia value any more. He’s the worst thing: a novelty act who didn’t realise he was a novelty act. On his Myspace he still tries to sell it that he’s some huge star:

A number 1 record in the UK sounds pretty big. I went on to Wikipedia to assess the bigness.

So it wasn’t in the UK, it was in Ireland. Although I think some of Ireland is still part of the UK, so maybe that’s right. Sort of like how he could say “My song was a smash chart hit!” when the chart in question was Eritrea’s, or “My song is beloved by an entire nation!” when it merely enjoys frequent plays on the Vatican City gramophone.

Also, it wasn’t his song, it was someone else remaking his song.

Still also, the original song is more than twenty years old.

Also still also, the original song is based off a sample from yet another song.

While it’s sad to see this guy bluffing his pair of deuces like it’s a full house, I think he’s missing an opportunity. What The Fun? Listen, man, your original fans a), are now 30-40 years old, and b) don’t care about you. You don’t need to censor your language for teenyboppers on MTV any more.

He should become like fellow has-been superhero Tila Tequila and just write the most surreal mind-bending crap imaginable. That’s the lone benefit of talking to an empty room. You can say whatever you want.